How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Vodka?
Forever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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