Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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