By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize