i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
