i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
