I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
