I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
