Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i will never coherently bang her
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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