he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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