Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
