My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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