Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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