On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think my moral compass just broke
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
