Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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