I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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