you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
