make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
