we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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