so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
