Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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