I accidentally burped into my bong.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
