so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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