You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
