Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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