My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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