Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
