Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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