i wish my penis had a tongue
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?