Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered