I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
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They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs