didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
from now on my penis is your penis
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
