Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.

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(646): View more from New York

all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.

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(907): View more from Alaska

We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller

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(330): View more from Ohio

I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.

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(530): View more from California

Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs

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