there's paper in my vomit.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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