i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
