i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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