It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
