I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
