Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize