In the future we'll all be gay
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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