where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
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I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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