She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
