Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
