Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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