ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
