I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
well you can't waste a boner
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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