You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
