What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
