i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
