I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
