Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
