I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
