Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
