im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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