The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
