Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
