:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
