Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
