we should wear snuggies to the strip club
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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