while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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