Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
