Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
