She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
