you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
