gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
