he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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