i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
