So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
