Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it hurts more in the daytime
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
