she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
