I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
