I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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