whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
