All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
