he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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