also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
