I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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