So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
