Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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