Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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