Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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