if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
