we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
