i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
