I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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