I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
