Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
