I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
