That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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