I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
