Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
